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Found 100 results

  1. While you sit and grumble over how something is supposed to be done, who is going to approve it and who is going to take the blame if it fails, odds are a kiltie has already taken it upon himself to just get it done without all the BS. In all reality, he probably finished whatever you are debating before you even finish talking about how to do what he has already finished! *****do not repost without a link to this page*****
  2. KT

    Kiltology #444 - Sarcasm

    Sarcasm : ~ Is a viable, self-sustaining, eloquent form of communication far more advanced than any common language ~ Is not to be uses casually or without regard for the consequences ~ Has more variance and subtlety than all the languages of the world combined ~ Can be the most evil in meaning while sounding like sirens in the sunset ~ Must be left to the professionals. Rookies will just get hurt. ~ Is genetically found in a vast majority of kilties. Be assured they are far more sarcastic than anyone in p@nt$ and wield that sarcasm with expertise and finesse that would make Michelangelo jealous. *****do not repost this without a link back to this page*****
  3. KT

    Kiltology #442 - Reality

    Reality is that moment when you realize the pot of gold at the end the rainbow, the one you have spent countless years chasing instead of spending time with your friends and family, only contains that which your brought with you. And in many cases, after years of searching, all that can be put in the pot is a lifetime of dreams put aside in favor of the search of riches. A gentle word...Keep looking for that pot of gold, but be sure you bring enough with you to fill it with a lifetime of wondrous experiences with amazing friends and family. Oh, and make sure you bring a wee green kilt. I'm pretty sure the leprechaun's p@nt$ are in dire need of a wash *****do not repost without a link back to this page*****
  4. I was in a pub once, hearing some folks joking around. This is what I heard: guy in kilt: (laughing after a joke) guy in p@nt$: Oh yeah? Yo momma... ***THWACK THUD CRASH*** guy in p@nt$: What the hell are you doing? ( as he tries to pick himself up off the floor ) guy in kilt: Don't you dare insult my mother. ( guy in kilt p@nt$ himself up from across the bar, and his friends escort him to the hospital to remove the barstool from his head ) morale of the story: Don't mess with a kiltie's mom! *****don't repost without a link to this page*****
  5. If you ever happen upon a kiltie just sitting on his ass, enjoying a pint in the evening, don't give him any crap about being lazy, worthless or a drain on the community. Odds are he did more by 9am today than you did all week. He just needs a pint and few hours of rest before getting back to it. Oh, and he will most likely be none to receptive of your comment, and will retort with a wit sharp as a knife. ***do not repost without a link to this site****
  6. KT

    Kiltology #440 - Genius

    Genius starts really small. first it could be a creative way to find a pint. It could then progress to a means by which said pint can be obtained without actually leaving the chair. It grows to into a more serious level of brilliance when the beverage is not only proper temperature, but is in a proper container which you didn't have when the process started. True Genius, of course is simply showing up and the pint appears from nowhere. ( then again, this happens to most every kiltie I've ever met the moment we enter the pub, so you there you go ) *****Do not repost this without a link back to this page*****
  7. it is well known that the Earth spins around, giving us night and day. What is not well known is why. In the earliest of times, when the kilt was first worn, there was no day and night. The earth went 'round the sun, but did not spin on its own. The Mother of the Universe, seeing the glory of the kilt, was trying to get a peek up the kilt. The kiltie was walking away, so she set the world a'turning so he would not leave her view. As you can probably guess, she never did get to see what she was looking for, as the Earth is spinning to this day.
  8. Satisfaction is something women with men in p@nt$ complain about all the time... ...and women with kilties keep to themselves. *****do not repost without a link to this page*****
  9. For the Kilted world, politics are easy. If you can't solve a problem over a few pints or wee drams...everyone finds a big tree and throws them at each other. Last one standing wins. ( how you fall is irrelevant...not handling your whisky is grounds for a loss in most any political arena ) ****Do not repost this without a link back to this page*****
  10. The commonly accepted evolution of Philosphical Thought is pretty well documented. The biggest questions are generally accepted to be: "Why" "Who am I" "Why am I here" and "Where is my towel" What is NOT documented is the very first question in the history of histories, which is: "What is up his kilt?" *****do not repost without a link to this page*****
  11. Have you ever noticed that many lamp shades seem to have the same basic shape as a kilt? Wanna know why? The lasses who invented the lamp shade were so enamored by the kilt and all the glory held beneath it, they created a covering for the lamp in the kilt's shape.The lamp's warming glow cascading over them from beneath the 'kilt' they had placed on it, putting a warm red glow on all their cheeks as most lamp shades sit atop a single supporting tower. ( I'll bet none of the lasses will look at a lamp shade the same again! )
  12. Contrary to popular belief, Darwin did NOT devise his theory of Natural Selection over years of observation, study and research into the habits of species around the world. He concluded his entire body of work in the span on a single weekend in a small kilted community, whilst having a few meals at the local pub. His conclusions were reached as he watched men wearing p@nt$ vainly attempt to attract the shapely lasses, and determined that the evolution of the kilted male lead to their unwavering victory in their selection of lasses for procreation and continuation of the species. He also determined that the evolution of single malt ran concurrently with the kilt, as the more kilties arrived, the more widely varied the selection of single malt became! *****do not repost without a link to this page*****
  13. It is a little known fact that p@nt$ that ride too low were made the default uniform for plumbers by husbands in scotland. They found their kilt-loving wives would stay home and watch the kilted plumber fixing the pipes under sink, and break or clog the kitchen sink on purpose so the kilted plumber would have to come back often to check their pipes. the low-riding p@nt$ were enforced as they are FAR less enticing to the ladies. ( if you have no idea what I'm talking about, just imagine a guy in a kilt working on the pipes under the kitchen sink...ladies try not to giggle or blush ) *****do not repost without a link back to this page*****
  14. KT

    Kiltology #430 - Awesome

    The determination of how awesome a kiltie is is NOT measured by what everyone knows he has done. It is measured by the things he does without anyone knowing, just becuase it is the right thing to do. This makes it very hard to know who is awesome, as the most awesome people spend their time doing, not gloating about the one thing they did. To find an awesome kiltie, talk to his friends instead. They will know.
  15. KT

    Kiltology #429 - Worth

    The worth of a man should not be measured by his material posessions, or potential ability to help. The worth of a man is measured by the use of his capacity to help others who cannot help themselves without regard of recompense. Even a man of boundless riches in gold and land can be considered worthless if they do not help those truly in need. *This has no bearing on the lazy masses who have the capacity to help themselves and choose not to. Those who sit around complaining about how hard life is without lifting a finger to improve their situation do not need help. They need to grow up, accepting respinsibility for the results of their lack of action.
  16. KT

    Kiltology #427 - Can't

    Be warned. Telling a kiltie he can't do something is like trying to tell a 2 year old she can't play with her new dollhouse on christmas morning after she just tore through ALL her christmas candy. You will regret it, and then most likely have to clean up after the kiltie has finished doing whatever you said he couldn't do.
  17. While a great many successful people revel in the massive and public celebrations of their success, the Kiltie is busy doing equally great things behind the scenes, making huge efforts to succeed without all the partying and back-patting. Don't get me wrong, Kilties LOVE a good party. We just don't need a parade and party in our honor to do the right thing. *****do not repost without a link back to this page*****
  18. The most difficult time to deal with children is NOT christmas morning, at a ceremony, a library or any other place where they are supposed to behave. It is when they have both finished their waffles and the suger rush kicks in from the syrup...and your coffee has NOT kicked in. *****do not repost without a link back to this page*****
  19. KT

    Kiltology #424 - Waiting

    Waiting Sucks. Anyone who tells you differently has never had to wait for anything, thereby surrendering in the battle of wits before it has even begin.
  20. Eternity is unique in that is has at least three very specific definitions to a kiltie. the first and most oft used definition is "Eternity is the time between you order for a kilt and when it is delivered to your hands, complete as ordered" the popular term "jonseing" is in reference to the feeling a kiltie feels while waiting the eternity between ordering and recieving a kilt. The second, and more usable yet less heard is "eternity is the time between when I push the brew button on the coffee pot, and when it is ready to drink" It is far less heard because anyone in the presense of a kiltie using this definition is either extremely brave or married to the kiltie, in which case you probably forced him out of bed to make you coffee anyway. The third, which is one that enrages a great many kiltie, is the time between he gently reminds a group of teenagers that his "skirt" is a kilt and the time they finally bugger off to go make someone else's life miserable.
  21. KT

    Kiltology #421 - Rides

    Anything worth riding has handles.
  22. Here is a surefire way to cause a social panic online. 1. Take picture of yourself wearing a kilt doing nothing special 2. post the picture on any of the major social networking sites 3. Make sure at least one female has seen the picture 4. let simmer For added effect, add second "action" pose photo. It is sure to cause all sorts of hell. ****do not repost this without a link back to this page****
  23. Here is the Kiltie's Guide to Getting Rich 1. Obtain and wear kilt regularly 2. Create and maintain relationships with all the new people you meet as a result of wearing the kilt 3. Enjoy all the new opportunities presented to you as a result of wearing your kilt 4. Go have fun with all the new people you met as a result of wearing your kilt 5. if you are able, see #1 and repeat ****Do not repost this without a link back to this page ****
  24. KT

    Kiltology #413 - Money

    Learn to account for and budget your money early in life. This way you can enjoy all sorts of wonderful kilts and kit as you save more money If you don't, I don't think debtor's prison is used anymore, you just get sued by your debt holders, loose all your stuff and wind up begging mom to move back with nothing. Don't move back in with mom. Learn to manage your money.