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Found 100 results

  1. Never for a moment assume that because a kitlie is standing next to you he believes any of the same things you do the same way you do. Assuming such and acting as such can have dire consequences, especially when you realize you have been talking to someone about something in which he has no interest at all. He is actually trying to get the attention of the bonnie lass behind you, but you just figured he was intently listening to you prattle on because he was facing you. Ask first, then discuss. it will save you from embarrassing yourself publicly.
  2. Appreciate your friends, family and those you care for. It will be paid back to you in spades. If it is a kiltie you appreciate, it may be paid back in scotch and haggis. (If you are lucky the bottle of scotch will still be full) ********do not repost this without a link back to this page*******
  3. here is the front cover for Kiltology Volume 1
  4. You will most likely never see such joy on a woman's face as the look on her face when she performs her first kilt check on a properly dressed kiltie! *****do not repost this without a link back to this page*****
  5. The hardest part of wearing the kilt for the first time has almost nothing to do with act of putting on the kilt. The hardest part is taking that first step out your front door, when you proclaim to the world that you are a kiltie and dealing with the world's response. ( dealing with a group of teenage boys in public for the first time is the first major test of a new kiltie's mettle. A well-honed wit usually makes quick work of the situation, but it can be very difficult for the unprepared ) *****do not repost this without a link back to this page*****
  6. You know you have reached complete fatherhood when you see a sweet deal on a limited-issue kilt, and the first thing you think of is how many boxes of diapers or gallons of milk that money could buy... ...and do not buy the kilt. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  7. As we kilties grow from children to adults to parents, there are a great many realities we must accept as we role of guardian and father to our offspring. ~ privacy of any kind...gone. Kids WILL find you no matter where you go to hide. ~ personal space - that bubble of space around your body once enjoyed is popped. If the kids could climb into your shoes they would ~ sleep - gone. You will be woken up at the wost possible times...over and over again. ~ quiet time - again...gone. The only time they are quiet is when they are asleep...which is when you sleep. ~ cleanliness - gone. the concept that if you clean something it will stay clean is no more. If it stays clean for more than a few hours you have scored a victory. ~ TV time - this is also shot, as kids shouldn't be watching grown-up TV shows and movies. Last thing you need is your 5 year old son running around saying "Giggity". The exception is when the game is on. No fool in a costume singing and jumping around like a loon is taking my red sox! ~ Work time. We all have loads of things to do that cannot be done while watching kids. It takes extensive planning and large quantities of wine / beer to convince neighbors and friends to watch the kids while you fix the hole in the roof or repair the fence that fell over a year ago. ~ Regimental - it is a bad idea to go au-naturale when around loads of kids, especially in sue-happy countries. The biggest change is your availability to go hang out with friends. Totally shot all to hell. it takes more planning that to fix the fence, and has a far higher rate of "falling through" as whomever is supposed to watch the kids knows you are just going to hang out and there is nothing being fixed or improved upon at the house.
  8. For the love of all that is haggis, please do not get into an argument with a kiltie about political correctness. The very concept of being politically correct in the presence of kilties is like sailing a boat with a screen-door bottom. Total waste of time doomed to epic failure from the start. who in their right mind talks to a man wearing a kilt ( which is by definition a man's skirt ) about being cautious of the sensitivities of those around him, especially at the pub? I've not met a kiltie who has NOT been the butt of insanely degrading and derogatory insults from the mouths of those very same people espousing a need for politically correct speech and behavior. ( this happened to me last week...epic fail is an understatement ) *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  9. You know you have reach full-fledged fatherhood when, halfway through running errands at multiple stores, you realize the glitter on your three year old daughter's shirt has managed to get all over your shirt, arms and kilt during the many transfers from car seat to shopping cart and back. The thing that makes this an important event is that it does not phase you in the least bit. You continue on your errands, without much more than a couple swipes at the glitter to remove any that is barely hanging on. No longer do you fight to remove every last bit of glitter, worried about what someone might think or say about a grown man in a kilt with glitter all over him at the store in the middle of the day. You just keep on, knowing it is neither the worst that can happen nor the last time it will, and you pay it little attention. this is when you know you have reached full-fledged fatherhood. ****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  10. Contrary to popular belief, a sporran is worn for a great many more reasons than just to hold the coin and flask it is perfect protection from: ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend when getting home after staying at the pub to long ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if they see a pretty girl looking at you in your kilt ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if you look at a pretty girl ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if there are any women around at all ~ the head and shoulders of kids who are not paying attention to where they are running ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if they are in a bad mood ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if the wind is blowing the wrong way ~ the foot of the wife / girlfriend if they think you think they look fat in whatever they are wearing ~ the foot of the wife AND girlfriend if they happen to meet each other
  11. You should never ever ask a kiltie what is in his sporran. he just might show you. ****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  12. It is a little known fact that velcro was in fact invented by kilt-wearing scotsman. Before velcro, and the noise it makes when separating the two sides, young scottish lassies would sneak up on unsuspecting kilties standing at the bar and tie the laces of their brogues together. They would then sneak off and wait until the unfortunate soul went kilt over keister and fell to the floor, exposing his kilted pride for the world to see. Velcro's distinct noise put and end to this for all but the most determined ladies. It is rumored one young lass velcro's an entire pipe band's shoes to each other one evening after a parade. The entire band did fall over over at once, but the identity of the ladies is still unknown to this day. ****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  13. There is no force on this earth more persistant than a kiltie on a mission. That is, except for a 2 year old girl who knows you have brownies hidden somewhere and she REALLY wants them. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  14. The theory of control over another human being is at best a pipe dream, at worst a painful excessive in futility. Control over another must be granted by the person who is to be controlled. There is always a way to avoid control, although it might not be a good option. If you don't believe me, just stop by to watch my kids for a few hours. They will show you exactly how futile it is to try to exercise control over those who do not want to be controlled, especially if they have friends over. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  15. It is well known that kitlies are strong and skilled at a great many things. Knowing that, you should not be surprised or shocked should the aroma from a restroom recently occupied by a kiltie jumps out at you and physically knocks you on your backside. If you happened to have spent the previous night in a pub with said kiltie, you are taking your life into your hands. I've seen hazmat teams called for lesser disasters. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  16. It is a little known fact that Balloons were invented by sly scottish lassies. They would quietly pin one to the back of a kilt in hopes that it would rise to the sky, taking the kilt with it. Eventually this project became legitimate research backed by several women's groups. It took a lot of trial and error before they found the proper balloon size, which of course is now used as weather balloons to better detect and track natural updrafts in and around Scotland and other kilted locations. ( As you can imagine, these lassies spent a LOT of time on research, and did not have to be very sneaky about it. They brought scotch with them on every research trip to ensure there were plenty of research 'subjects' willing to be 'experimented' upon. ) *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  17. it is a well documented fact that most men will go balls out most of their lives if given the chance. What is not well documented is the fact that kilties have the ability to go balls out for far greater lengths of time than any other types of man. In warmer climates kilties can go balls out for very long periods of time. In the colder climates kilties can still go balls out longer than regular folks, although cold is cold no matter what you are wearing. Word of warning: Attempting to go balls out all the time has been proven to be extremely dangerous and has landed many a gent in the hospital. Be wary when going balls out for too long! *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page***** ( for those who don't know, Old steam engines had a governor rod with ball shaped spinning weights on the ends. When the engine was running at maximum speed centrifugal force moved the balls all the way out, or "balls out" ..also means to go like hell ) http://www.urbandict...?term=balls+out
  18. repetition is one then most effective forms of learning - repeated a task helps commit it to memory, making it easier to execute in the future - repeating a phrase makes it easier to say in the future - being made fun of for wearing the kilt repeatedly makes it far easier to rebut the insult with wit and confidence, especially if the offending party is wearing p@by$ ***** Do not repost without a link back to this page *****
  19. It is a little known fact that the leafblower was actually invented by bored scottish lassies. A few of them were sitting on a bench and saw a kiltie walk over one of those steam exhaust grates in the city and had a whole lot of dirty thoughts go through their head. The next day, after spending hours sitting on that same bench, they figured out how to stick a pipe on a portable fan and started chasing kilties on the spot! the rest, as they say, is history. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  20. Never, EVER start taking a kiltie's kindness and generosity for granted. You have obviously gotten on their good side. You want to stay there. Taking a kiltie for granted and getting pissed when they stop being nice or doing whatever it is you like is a sure-fire way to REALLY piss them off. You don't want that. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  21. When giving instructions to a kiltie, no matter how simple or common you may think they are, be as explicit as possible. If you have a specific result you are looking for and you are not specific in your instructions, you probably not get what you expected. The level of creativity and ability to do the amazing with nothing will most likely kick in if there is ANY question as to what is required. If you say "Build me a shed over there" without specifics, it is more likely you will get a shed big enough and well-enough appointed to house your entire family than just four walls, a roof, some doors and things to hang your tools. If your kiltie is extremely gifted, there is no limit as to what might happen. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  22. There are great many reasons Kilties love sheep ~ our kilts themselves come from sheep's wool ~ haggis is made from sheep ~ tending them offers employment to many kilties Best of all, it completely relieves p@nt$-wearing loons of the need for creativity when trying to insult us. They simply say most anything ending in "with sheep" and a laugh is assured. ...So is a witty retort from the kiltie of such strength I dare not even speak of it here. *****Do not repost this without also posting a link to this page*****
  23. For the love of all that is holy please do not demand a kiltie go shopping for gifts for a little girl's birthday party. There is exactly NOTHING he can purchase that does NOT make him feel like some kind of wierdo. ( I just did it...d@mn near impossible ) EDIT: This NOT my daughter. Neighbor's kid turned 4 today.
  24. if you want something done, ask a kiltie once, give him some time and ask again if it isn't done. Do not ask every two seconds. The more often you ask in a short time the less likely you are to get any results. this goes doubly if it is early in the day.
  25. discussing levels of clothing cleanliness with a kiltie is a really good way waste a lot of your time. The average kilt can go months or longer without a proper washing and look like they just came off the loom with very little effort. Some more robust kilts are d@mn-near impervious to all forms of filth and need little more than a hose-off to get them clean. One more reason kilts are superior to p@nt$...gotta wash your p@nt$ regularly or they look like someone washed a port-a-john with them!